


I Will Not Kiss You (Hiatus)

by CommonSense001



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex gets sick, Angst, Anxiety, Cancer- mcr song, Flashbacks, GWash wants to help, Gun Violence, I'm Sorry, Like, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Really Sick, Sickness, Sorry again, Suicide, TJeffs just loves Alex so much, That was Alex/john, Thomas is sad, i just live angst, it's sad, past abusive relationship, so does TJeffs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-15 15:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8062096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommonSense001/pseuds/CommonSense001
Summary: Alexander Hamilton didn't have the best relationship with John Laurens as it seemed. They may have seemed happy. But it was hell. Alex managed to get away but only to suffer the conciquenses caused by him. Now Thomas Jefferson is left to pick up the parts that he can't even put back together.





	1. Leave Me Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of the song Cancer- by My Chemical Romance, you can guess where i'm going with this story :") a lot of tw- Such as Flashbacks, abuse, rape, anxiety, and panic attacks so beware

"Turn away  
If you could get me a drink  
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded  
Call my aunt Marie"

 

He wanted it to stop. He wanted it to stop so bad. He couldn't stop it. 'Weak, slut, useless, dissapointment, worthless...' Those words echoed in his mind as he stood out his old apartment he had escaped. He felt so vulnarable. So- scared.

 

John Laurens had been his partner for two years. Two. And not once had it occured to Alex he needed to get away. Until a few months ago when be was found sobbing and distraught after stumbling home bleeding; only to be found by John and it being made even worse.

 

Alex had been raped that night by a man he only just met, hell he didn't even know the name. And it hurt so. Bad. Why? Why did he do this? He called for John... But nothing. He came to the realization that this wasn't love. It was torture. Abuse. 

Abuse. That little word. That's what. People looked at him like he was crazy. 'Two years?' They'd say. It never occured to Alex how long it was. Two years of shit. Of loveless love. Of tourture. 

 

'I do this because I care. Because I love you.' Those lies spilled from John's mouth so easily. No remorse. No sadness. Just pure anger and hate. Love.

 

Love can make people mad. And that's exactly what it had been.

 

Two months. It had been two months since Alex realized he needed to get. Out. And that night. He did just that. Packing whatever he could get into his duffle bag and pulling on a old stained hoodie before finding himself pined to a wall and crying out.

 

John. "Where the hell do ya think you're going? Youy lil son of a bitch." His words came out in slurs, Alex struggled beneath the man, tears spilling from his broken hazel eyes. "John- John stop please!" He begged and pleaded with the man.

 

A cold laugh erupted from him, "You think you can get away from me Alex? You better- fAUCK" Alex kicked him in the groin and bolted for the door, flying down the stairs and racing out if the apartment as quickly as possible and hopping in his car. Locking the door as rain pattered down from the dark sky above.

 

He was free.

 

Finally- finally free- from him.

 

A sob escaped Alex. Happiness and freedom. But- he wasn't.... He couldn't feel that. Something deep settled inside his stomach as he sat alone in the car. Something.

 

What was it?

 

\----

 

Alex ended up in a bar not to far from the apartment complex, drinking his sorrows away. It wasn't working. He could still feel the place where John's fingers burned and cut and bruised him. The scars that showed along his body. The cuts. 

 

"Fuck." He muttered bitterly, tossing his beer off to the side and running his hands through his tangled and matted hair. He had only made it to his second beer when the one and only showed up. 

 

Thomas fucking Jefferson.

 

Work partner and enemy.

 

Thomas must have spotted him too "Well well well, Hamilton. You look like hell." He stated with a smirk. "Just got back." Hamilton shot back bitterly, taking a swig of beer. "You should get some water, you'll get dehydrated." Thomas stated in a matter of factly way.

 

Alex rolled his eyes like some defiant teenager "Maybe deyhdration doesn't sound so bad." Alex muttered, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes; startling Jefferson immensely. 

 

Thomas wasn't going to lie- he actually had some sort of crush on Hamilton. The way his hazel eyes burned with fire and determination- his enthusiasm his energy. Overall everything- but the only thing that got in his way was Laurens.

 

He saw what John had did to Alex the first time he saw them interact. He knew something was up with them. The cold glares, submissive mumbles, the wrist grabbing. Yelling. All the yelling. "Alexander...?" 

 

"ALEXANDER HAMILTON!" A voice boomed from the doorway of the bar, he stiffined. Speak of the devil and he comes. "What the FUCK, you STUPID LITTLE SLUT HOW DARE YOU." Fat, warm tears streamed down Alex's face as he faced Laurens.

 

A fist flew up and statched Alex's dark long hair, anger and hate flashing in the taller man's eyes as he tugged roughly "John please-" "You little bitch you talk when spoken to. I'll show you NOT to EVER mess with me again, understand me whore?"

Jefferson grew angrier and angrier by the second. Causing him to bolt out if his chair and growl down at Laurens. Gripping Alexander's wrist gently and trying to get him away from John.

"What. The. HELL is wrong with you?! How fucking DARE you do this to him?! What the FUCK?!" Angered worse spilled from Jefferson's mouth. "Fuck off Jefferson." John spat back. 

 

Thomas, being taller then the two men, released Alex's wrist and balled his hand into a fist, punching John square in the face. Grabbing Alexander again he tugged him to the door of the bar and rushed him to the car. John trailed behind just as Jefferson managed to get into the car himself.

 

He pounded on the door "Get the fuck outta there Alex! I swear to GOD-" Thomas started driving away quickly, the look on Alexander's face told him all he needed to know.

 

This poor man.... Once so lively- and now so broken. 

 

Thomas was determined to make Alex right again, if he could even do that at this point.


	2. What's under my skin...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Sorry in advanced-  
> Thomas and Alex refurn to John's apartment  
> Things end up horribly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has the following-  
> Suicide  
> Gun violence  
> Hopitals  
> And major sickness mention  
> PLEASE be careful when reading! Thank you!

" _Help her gather all my things_  
_And bury me_  
_In all my favorite colors_  
_My sisters and my brothers, still_ " - **My Chemical Romance**

 

Alex awoke with a jolt, his head stung and his thoughts twirled rapidly as he looked around with a dazed expression. He smelled.... Bacon? And eggs? What kind of hell hole was this? John never made bacon or eggs- or even breakfast for that matter.

 

Thing is. He isn't in John's apartment. And that wasn't John. Instead it was a tall, handsome, poffy haired, coffee skin man with that undying smirk on his face.

 

Thomas. _Fucking_. Jefferson.

 

But this was... Strange. Alexander shifted and hopped off the bed. His legs wobbly and his face stung with pain; what happened last night?

 

"Ah Hamilton, i see you're awake-" Jefferson smiled warmly from the doorway. God that smile always made him- wait. What the fuck.

 

What the fuck was he doing in Thomas Jefferson's house. And what the fuck was Alex thinking? "How did i get here?" He asked wearily, his voice hoarse.

 

"Hm? Oh- well, i came across you in the bar last night, and John showed up and tried to take you away..." Oh yea. He had run away from John. That's what happened.

 

How did he end up here though?

 

"And..- how am I here?" Alex continued, his droppy hazel eyes narrowed. "I took you back home with me and you passed out on the bed before you could say a word about anything." He shrugged simply. "i made breakfast, so-"

 

Alex didn't need to be told twice. He quickly moved past Thomas and to the kitchen, not at all bothering with his current appearance. Hair knotted, face bruised, dirty clothing.

 

Thomas entered the room soon after him, finishing up with the food and handing Alex a plate. It was... odd. Thomas Jefferson; his supposed mortal enemy that he hated with all his guts-

 

Was making him eggs and bacon..?

 

'Well how dandy it'll be to tell Laf and Herc about this wouldn't it?' Alex thought as he picked at his food, eating small portions at a time. But damn was the food good; "For a man with poor taste in clothing and only seems to eat Mac and cheese, this is really good." Alex teased with a small smile and a scoff.

 

Thomas rolled his eyes and chuckled, "Heh, could say the same to you Hamilton." They both shared a laugh or two. Not touching up on what had happened last night or talking about John.

 

Man, John was gonna kill him once he got back to the apartment. John. "Shit-!" Alex hissed, standing up abruptly. "Shit, shit, shit!"Alexander paced around the room, searching franticly for something:

 

"Woah woah Alex! Calm down! What's the matter?!" Thomas had stood up and gripped Alexander's shoulder. He jumped away from Thomas's grip, fear dancing wildly in his eyes. "Alex...."

 

"I-I'm sorry- I should go-..." Alexander bit his lip, making a escape to his front door. "Alexander wait! Please." Thomas's voice was soft- almost like he was begging- pleading with Alexander to stay. "Please, stay. I know i'm not someone who you are comfortable talking to about... personal things, but i want to help. So please let me."

 

Alexander, hand on the brass doorknob, paused mid turn. "You will never understand..." His voice spoke in barely a whisper. "Of course I will! Just talk to me!" Thomas's voice rose a bit.

 

Alex let out a deep breath. "Fine." He turned around, his eyes a little red and puffy. Thomas could have sworn his heart dropped. He knew abusive relationships were bad- but how bad was this one?

 

He couldn't think about it for to long, Alex had started talking. "It all started a few years ago. I was so blind with love and i was just to naive to everything-! I'm such a idiot... i should have listened...." Alex spoke, his voice shaky.

 

More confusion struck Thomas, "I- I see...." there was an uncomfortable long silence that drifted between the two men. "Thomas, i have to go- i have work today and- and I have to apologize to John- and-" "No Alex, you are not apologizing to John, and you are in no condition to got to work, do you see yourself?" Thomas sprung in.

 

"You don't understand! I have to-!" Thomas shushed the shorter man, "No, Alexander, go shower, I have a hoodie and some pants you can wear in the bathroom. Go get cleaned up." He ordered, Hamilton just stared at him wide-eyed. But, he listened. And that scared Thomas.

 

_'What the **fuck** did John do....?'_

 

++++

 

The car ride was scarily silent. Alexander stared out the window numbly; his eyes blank with emotion. His expression unreadable. God how Thomas wished he could have the old Alexander back. The Alexander he had grown to love; not the lifeless shell of a man who he used to be. But Thomas was determined. He knew Alex couldn't deal with this on his own; even if he thought otherwise. He resembled a small lost kitten in the cold rain, eyed wide with fear, his once lively eyes gone.

 

He longed to have them back.

 

To have him back.

 

"We're here." Thomas's voice called softly to Alex, shaking him from the trance he had seemed to be lost in. Thomas could see Alex go stiff with tensity and fear. "I-I don't think I can-" "Yes you can Alex, i'm right beside you." Thomas reassured with a smile. Though Alex wasn't so sure, he nodded. "Alright."

 

It seemed like ages before the two made it up to John's apartment. Thomas could almost feel the fear radiating off of him in waves. A bad feeling continuing to churn in his stomach, he couldn't describe it... they just needed to get in and out as fast as possible. Alexander must've felt the same; standing in front of the door wide eyed. His eyes pleading to not have to do this. Why were they even there? What were they getting? He didn't know any more.

 

Knocking on the door, they waited. And waited. And waited; then "What the fuck are you doing here-?!" John paused, his anger filled eyes trailing from Alexander to Thomas, anger flaring more then it had yesterday. "So you're fucking Thomas now, huh slut?" His voice like venom sounded to the duo, Thomas clenched his fists in order not to punch him. Alex shifted, "I-I'm here for my things-" John growled, but strangely, moved out the way for them. This wasn't right... Alex knew John. He would put up a fight. He would do something. _**Something**_.

 

As the two made their way inside, Alex rushed to the room, his duffle bag from last night tossed carelessly to the floor. Thomas stood at the doorway, watching as Alex gathered the rest of his things and turn to Thomas. Why did this all feel so... _strange_?

 

Thomas was stupid enough to think it would be all over from here. To think John was just going to let them be. To think nothing bad was going to happen to him. To them. To Alex. God. How he was wrong. _So so **wrong.**_

 

Alexander had a stand of hope ad they exited the room that they were home free. That he was free. Everything was good. Everything cool. Everything- _**shattered**_. "Step the fuck away from Alexander." He heard John's cold voice sneer. A ' _click'_ sounded from behind him. A gun. He had a _gun_.

 

Thomas's breath hitched- "J-John! What the hell...! G-Get away from...- put the gun down. John-!" John growled, but a smirk fell upon his face, cold, but so- so- chaotic, and gleeful at the same time. Alex let out a strangled sob, the bag falling to the floor. "J-Jo.." "Shut UP!" He shoved the gun to the back of his head.

 

"Please! Please let's just work this out-!" Thomas's voice was so full of fear and emotion- it startled Alex, almost as much as the gun did. His breath quickened, tears fogged his vision. "Get out. Get out or i'll shoot!" John yelled, his grip tightening on the gun. He felt his heart beating out his chest. The yelling between Thomas and John sounded muggy and distant.

 

Before he knew it-

 

 ** _Bang_**.

 

He couldn't move. Why couldn't he move? He didn't know. All he saw was darkness and a thud; a sharp pain engulfing his back. He was on the floor- he could tell because it was hard and cold. Someone was next to him.... Thomas? He must've said it aloud because he got a response.

 

Sirens. He heard sirens; they were distant. Sleep. He wanted sleep. That would be nice.... sleep...

 

++++

 

Thomas paced in the waiting room of the hospital. The paramedics had swept Alex away and to the ICU part of the hospital before he could even get out the ambulance. He needed to know if Alexander was ok. He had to be ok. He was going to be. The only word he had gotten from the medical team was about John.

 

_John Laurens was dead._

 

He had died on the scene.

 

Thomas felt disgusted with himself; he could have done something- anything! But no. He didn't do anything. John had shot himself, then the gun recoiled and shot Alex in the side. He didn't know what to do. Alex was his mortal enemy right? Complete opposites, incompatible together- at all.

 

But there he was, pacing in the waiting room of a hospital waiting for news on that said mortal enemy to see if he was ok. He barely noticed the doctor that had approached him. "Mr Jefferson, correct?" She had asked. Thomas nodded "Yes, is Alexander alright? Is he going to be ok? Is he awake-?!" The doctor shushed him "He will be fine, just a flesh wound, it should be healed in a few weeks to about 4 months." Thomas let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding.

 

"That's-That's great! Is-" "However...." she paused, her eyes growing wide with sadness and pity. "We... took some tests... and-" she paused. Thomas bit his lip "Yes-? What's wrong?" He asked obliviously. The doctor glanced up at the tall man, her wide eyes foggy.

 

_"Alexander has lung cancer."_

 

**Thomas's heart dropped.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry-  
> Sorry it was a little fast paced, i just really wanted to get this chapter out as soon as possible!


End file.
